Your children may be surprised to hear that you are getting a divorce, but they do need to find out at some point. If they are still minor children who live at home, the way that this conversation goes can really help define how they view the news and how they react to it.
But many parents have never been through this divorce process before. You may find yourself unsure how to bring it up or what you need to say. You don’t want to make a mistake that will make this harder for your children. How do you broach the subject effectively and compassionately?
These tips can help
Every situation is unique, but the following tips can help you ensure that this conversation goes well:
- Try to maintain any standing schedules or routines. This gives the kids a greater sense of stability and comfort.
- Tell the children together so that they find out from you and your ex, at the same time, rather than from someone else.
- Stress to the children that the divorce is not their fault. Children often struggle with guilt, which you can help them avoid.
- Talk about what the future will look like, where they live, where they’ll go to school and things of this nature.
- Don’t badmouth your ex or make your children choose between the two of you.
- Don’t play the blame game, even if you do blame your ex. Just focus on informing the children so they know what’s coming.
Getting divorced with children raises a lot of questions about custody, support and more. As you sort through this process, make sure you are well aware of your legal options.