Can a Child Choose Which Parent to Live With in Virginia?

 Posted on June 20, 2026 in Child Custody

While a child cannot simply choose which parent to live with in Virginia, their preference may be taken into account. Virginia courts will look at a number of factors when determining child custody. One of these can be the child’s own wishes if they are old and mature enough to express them.

A Loudon County, VA custody attorney can help you understand when a child’s preferences may be considered in custody proceedings in 2026.

How Old Does a Child Need to Be to Have Opinions About Which Parent They Live With?

There is no set age at which a child’s wishes will be considered when determining custody in Virginia. Courts will take the child’s wishes into account if they find that the child has the reasonable intelligence, understanding, age, and experience to express that preference in a meaningful way.

Whether a child’s opinion on custody will be taken into account or not is determined on a case-by-case basis. Older children, such as teenagers, may be more likely to have their wishes heard and considered by the court.

What Things Determine Child Custody in Virginia?

According to Virginia Code § 20-124.3, the court must review specific factors about a case when making a decision about custody. These are intended to account for the best interests of the child and include:

• The age, physical condition, and mental condition of the child and each parent
• The relationship between each parent and the child, including each parent's ability to meet the child's emotional and physical needs
• The role each parent has played, and is likely to play, in the child's upbringing
• Each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent
• Any history of family abuse

A judge is not required to give equal weight to every factor, including a child’s preference. If other concerns about the child’s safety or well-being seem more pressing, the judge will likely address those instead.

How Do Virginia Courts Determine What a Child’s Custody Preferences Are?

Virginia courts have several options when determining what custody arrangement a child would prefer.

In-Chambers Interviews

A judge may speak with the child privately "in chambers" (or in a separate room). These meetings often include only the judge, a court reporter, and sometimes the child's own attorney (if the child has one). This approach is designed to reduce the pressure a child might feel testifying in a courtroom in front of both parents.

Custody Evaluators or Guardians ad Litem

In more contested cases, the court may appoint a guardian ad litem or a custody evaluator to interview the child. These are professionals who report back to the court on the child’s wishes. They may also report broader observations about the child's well-being.

Reports from outside reviews by custody evaluators or Guardians ad Litem often carry significant weight with a court. This is because they come from a neutral third party with training in assessing children’s situations, rather than from either parent.

What Should Parents Avoid Doing in Virginia Custody Cases?

Parents should avoid coaching a child or pressuring them to express a particular preference on custody arrangements. Judges and children’s representatives are experienced at recognizing when a child's stated wishes sound rehearsed or inconsistent with their actual behavior. If a parent is found to have coached a child on what to say, it can seriously undermine that parent's credibility in front of the court.

Parents should also avoid involving their children in conflicts with the other parent. Custody decisions should remain focused on what is best for the child rather than on disagreements between the parents. If a judge believes a parent is pursuing a custody dispute primarily to create difficulties for the other parent instead of serving the child's best interests, it can affect how the court views that parent's credibility and motives.

Contact a Fairfax County, VA Custody Attorney Today

If you have concerns about how your pending custody case will go, our firm can help. Our Loudoun County, VA custody lawyer works directly with all clients and has over 15 years of legal experience. Call Nicole M. Burns, Attorney at Law, at 703-373-4761 today to review your situation.